kimmy wrote:"I think she’s stated that she’s finished her run."
Does he mean that he just read about this online? Does he mean he remembers her mentioning it but he is not sure anymore because his memory is fuzzy on not important things? Does he mean that they discussed this between them and that his own interpretation and only his own interpretation is that she's finished? Does he mean that he keeps thinking about that statement? So many mysteries to explore!
If Chris Carter was the captain of a ship, he would just randomly cross Oceans, while actually wanting to do only the same trip each and every time. "Next time, we'll do London to New York." And 10 years after, he would say "Next time, we'll do London to New York, I cannot wait to explore all the mysteries of that route! There are more routes to explore!" And he would each time end up sinking the ship in mid-route. And when asked about the trip, he would say "I am so proud of the trip. My favorite part of it is when the ship sank at the end. I did it beautifully. The last moment when all the passengers were screaming and running around was top notch!".
If there is one word that comes to mind - to mine at least - it is "denial".
The choice to refuse reality, then, is unconscious as well. Refusal to admit to or accept a truth or fact differs from denial in that the individual recognizes or is conscious of the existence of the truth or fact but consciously refuses to accept it as such.
For someone who wrote about looking for the truth for 25 years, it is so ironic that he actually does not see it. And the truth is simple. It lays down in front of him, naked, ultimate. And he smiles, thinking about looking for a truth that is already there.