August 15, 2018
David asks her to join him in London. Her mind drifts off to painful memories.
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Chapter 1: Painful memories
David asks her to join him in London.
Her mind drifts off to painful memories.
It never fades away, it's staying
Your kiss like broken glass on my skin
And all the greatest loves end in violence
It's tearing up my voice, left in silence
Baby, it hit so hard, I'm holding on to my chest
Maybe you left your mark, reminding me to forget
It doesn't matter where you are, you can keep my regret
'Cause baby I got these scars, reminding me to forget
Reminding me, I got these scars, to forget your love
Keep reminding me, ooh, to forget your love
"It's a lonely thing
a breakable heart."
New York - London
His voice sounded so familiar in her ear, his monotone way of talking calmed her soul, his words warmed her heart. She was happy to hear his voice after all this time, although she didn't want to show how happy she really was. Her answers were cold and distant, her voice was sharp and her words short.
"I'm not joining London comic con, David!" she said. She hid the pain in her voice, she wanted to do this more than anything, but she just couldn't. It would rip open painful wounds she didn't want to see again. He did this for her, she knew this, he wanted to be in her city, visit her, be close to her, but she had to hold him at a distance.
"Ok, I understand..." he silently murmured, he was so disappointed, you could feel it in his words and his voice. He had already arranged to stay 9 days in London, for her, it was all for her.
The pain she felt hurt her more than anything, she declined to spend a weekend with him on this convention, yes they wouldn't be alone, but they actually had some chance to talk and interact like they liked so much in the past. Fans would go crazy seeing them together.
She felt bad she already canceled Montreal, her fans reacted heartbrokenly and so did he. She just couldn't handle the pressure having to see him a whole weekend and the fact that she would be confronted with the fact that they weren't free to do whatever they wanted. She had Peter and he Monique.
"Is everything ok?" he asked her concerned, he noticed the coldness in her answers and her voice. He knew she wasn't ok, she was hurt, he felt it.
"Yeah, I'm fine!" she answered swiftly, making it sound like she was. But he sensed this thing in her voice, that she was lying.
"Have to run now, hope to see you around in London. Would mean the world to me, Gillian!" his voice was soft and she fought her tears. "I miss you!"
She was brave and managed to say "Bye" in a normal happy voice. After he hung the phone, she collapsed and tears streamed down her face. She wished the pain would go away, but after all these years it didn't.
Her phone fell to the floor. Her hands covered her face and tears kept coming.
Why was this so hard, why didn't she just say how much she missed him. She just couldn't.
It was her own damn fault, she knew that!
Her mind drifted off in her own memory, sweet memories of them together, the drama...
She remembered they tried to spend a few days together on an island in the Caribean, 2017 if she remembered correctly. Her memory was a mess but she knew she had told Peter she had to be on location for some project.
Just them, no one else and it was heaven, away from everything and everyone, they just had each other. Days and night spent in each other's arms, they never talked better as on that island, time just stopped for them. Sex was wild, even so, that they injured themselves.
David's arms and her ankle, she chuckled at how that happened. Pool, weird positions and... a smile warmed her face and her heart.
The effort they did searching the best possible explanation to the press and their mutuals. Of course, no one really believed their stories they tried to make everyone believe.
She thought about that one time he fucked her on the balcony of their suite. The most beautiful sunset she had ever seen, he had surprised her with a drink and before she knew it he fucked her right there on that spot. There wasn't even time removing clothes or anything. She had to cover up bite marks and scratches, but oh my god, he could satisfy her like no other man could.
She smiled through her tears, her memories gave her life. She tried to dry her tears, but they just kept coming. What the fuck did she do to her life and to him? At times she hated herself for being so damn complicated.
Their injuries weren't healed at the time she won the Webby for best actress. His speech made her melt, he was so nervous and so cute on that stage, and so happy he was the one who could hand her this award. She even couldn't look at the audience when she was with him getting the award. So goddamn nervous anyone would notice what was going on. She knew he wanted to kiss her right there on that spot, he wanted the world to know. He made a joke about her crotches and she totally lost it. Of course, he remembered their passionate nights together, resulting in this injury.
He guided her back to her seat, the camera's caught a glimpse of intimacy between them. He was crazy about her and so was she about him, it was hard not to touch him or kiss him as she wanted.
After the award show, he took her out to this nice restaurant. She remembered how good their talks were. He was totally ready to make their affair public.
But she was dating Peter, she felt like this maneater, this mistress, this unfaithful woman... she didn't love the guy, she only loved one man. The man who made her shine, laugh, giggle... it's was so natural being with him, but fear took over. Fear of being called names for breaking up with Peter, fear of losing her fans, fear of making the wrong call and losing her best friend...
But she never thought how it would feel like really losing David, losing their connection, losing everything she held dear in her life.
That night they had this major fight, David wanted to go public, she held him back. How she regretted her decision.
They both cried and yelled at each other that night, raging about how good they were together, but couldn't be together.
She felt like shit when he left her, alone, hurt and miserable. She remembered how he cried and told her he loved her more than anything in the world. He asked her if this was her final decision, he was through with her shit. When her answer was yes, he closed the door and left.
Days passed by, he didn't call, didn't text, nothing and she tried to reach out on Twitter. But he ignored her.
In total desperation, she liked this song "Feelings by Maximilian" and tweeted about it. She felt miserable, she felt lost, she wanted her best friend back. The lyrics to that song expressed how she felt. She just couldn't live without him in her life, but she was a coward to admit she loved him and wanted to be with him.
- You've made your choice! D - read the text she got from him a few days later. It felt like a knife in her heart.
- You know my heart is still yours, but it's complicated! x G - she answered him, hoping he would respond.
- How can I make you see, this isn't the way it works. D - He sounded desperate and hurt.
- I still love you! x G. -
He never responded to that message.
Before she left on her holiday to Italy a friend had sent her a few rumors about David. Apparently, he was seen with a much younger lady, she could see what he was doing, she knew him so well. This was his revenge, she was heartbroken. He wanted to show her how it hurts seeing someone you love with someone else.
She just hated herself for always crossing lines, for being this complicated woman. But it was stronger, she wanted to hurt him too. She wanted to give him a "FUCK YOU" in the face and being a woman, she knew how she could torture him.
Portofino had definitely hurt him, seeing her that exposed and being touched by another guy. He just lost it when he saw those pictures. He hated the fact that she lost all self-respect and went through with that charade.
He had called her after the incident and had asked her what her plan was with this Peter fella. She had just laughed and she had said that she loved him. He couldn't believe what he heard, he knew she was lying, in fact, he hoped she was lying. But stubborn as she was she kept faking the story of her newfound love. She was so deep in now that there was no way out.
- G, please... stop this! I get it! D - he had sent her.
- I quit when you do the same! G - she answered him.
But none of them ended the so-called relationships they were in.
She knew David still cared for her, as did she for him, but they were both so proud and stubborn to give in. Working with him on the x files was wonderful, she loved it. Seems like the bad things had faded away for a while.
They started tweeting again and their birthday messages were so adorable.
But then it got dangerous again, he was drawn to her and she even told him that she loved him. But none of them wanted to be honest about their current relationships.
After that, she did everything to keep him at a distance. She changed her hair, lost so much weight, but the attraction still remained.
Her thoughts brought her back to today...
She needed to see him in London, not at the con, she couldn't handle that just yet, but... she wanted to see him.
- Not joining the con, but I do want to see you that weekend. x G - she texted him, she felt relieved.
- Thought you'd say that! x D -
She smiled at his text, it warmed her heart but she couldn't deal with the fact that he was still seeing that young girl.
Chapter 2: Connection
Days pass by until they finally meet in London.
I'm burning inside and we both know why
'Cause you're mine
I knew I could be whole if you were mine
I'll vanquish any foe because you're mine
I can regain control because you're mine
I can take over the world because you're mine
Montreal - London
Days went by, at first he didn't text her at all, but the number of texts he'd sent her increased as time passed.
- Montreal is missing its favorite blonde... as am I! x D - he had sent her. She smiled when she read it. It killed her deep inside, knowing she just canceled the damn thing just because she was afraid. Afraid of admitting she loved him.
- x G - she just sent a kiss back, she was lost for words, she loved his flirty texts. She wanted to be with him, but then again she struggled with her feelings. He was dangerous, seductive, and she loved and hated it at the same time.
- I'll claim this in London. x D - he loved teasing her, he missed her for sure.
- Counting on that for sure! x G - she answered instantly regretting her teases.
Her back rested against the wall near the south oriented window of her bedroom in London. Her eyes captured the warm sunlight streaming in. Her mind drifted off to memories from a few years back.
Thoughts about David invaded her puzzled mind. She tried to block it out, but she didn't succeed. She heard his soft smooth voice, saw his hazel gaze and her skin felt his caresses. Goosebumps appeared on her arms and she smiled at the beautiful memories of making love to him.
Her phone woke her up from her thoughts.
- My dentist has a new assistant... she is called 'Gillian'. I had unpure thoughts. x D - she giggled at his text.
- YOU ARE CRAZY! x G - she texted him back. She sipped her wine and made herself comfortable on the couch, she knew he would text her back.
- Mmm... who's fault is that? x D - he sounded flirty and she struggled again with her feelings. They were both in a "relationship" but he made her tingly with his texts. She had to be stronger not to give in. But she wasn't...
- Can't wait to see you again! We have to talk! x D - his text followed right after his previous one. She had to admit she wanted to see him too, talk to him about what happened and what mess she made of her life.
- Won't be easy, P doesn't trust us together. x G - she was brutally honest in her text. She had to find a way to meet him without causing trouble.
- Double date then? x D - She almost choked in her wine. What did he just suggest? Bringing Monique and Peter to their dinner date?
- WTF? x G - she texted him back. In disbelieve, he was serious about this insane idea. She couldn't stand seeing him with that 'child' she was as jealous as fuck. And she knew he hated seeing her with Peter.
Her phone rang and she saw his name pop up. Her heart raced as she took up the phone.
"Hey, it's me!" he said in his monotonous voice. He sounded very relaxed. "Dave, have you seriously lost your mind? I don't think a double date is a good idea. BTW, you don't like Peter and I don't like Monique! So why meet up together? I just want to see YOU!" she said too much already. She wanted to see him, he had heard that very loud and clear.
"You can test your acting skills Gill, you'll win an Oscar for sure! No, I am serious, let us meet up together, it's the best way without raising suspicion. And just so you know... I only want to see you too." he added and she could almost feel him winked through the phone.
She heard a door open and she knew it was Peter. "Have to go now David, you are crazy, just that you know!" she whispered, she heard him say bye before she hung up the phone.
Peter stepped into the room, walking up to her, giving her a kiss on her hair. She gazed into the sunlight thinking about the phone call she just had with David.
July 27th, 2018
She was bloody nervous, all day! They had been texting back and forth since the moment he landed. They were supposed to meet up after the convention at this place Peter chose, he wanted to show the interior and the history of this place to David and Monique. She didn't listen to his arguments meeting them there, she just knew it was a great place to eat. Gillian didn't care at all, she just wanted to see David.
-Wear your black lace Burberry dress for me! x D - he texted her in the afternoon. She smiled, but she had something else in mind. She wanted to wear her black "Cutting room dress". In that dress, she kissed him on stage in NY during his concert, in front of everyone not giving one fuck what people might say or think. She knew he'd remember and that he would get her hidden meaning. She didn't care about Peter's thoughts and she hoped Monique would cringe seeing her in that dress.
- Focus on your fans, you'll see me this evening. x G - she giggled and was touched that he took the time to text her, she knew how hectic these conventions could get.
- All these women ask me for a hug, but I only want to put my arms around you. x D - he could be so sweet, she could feel herself fall for him like she always did. But she had to be strong, but she couldn't anymore. She kept reminding herself she had Peter and he was with this girl.
Peter's assistant had arranged a whole tour for them, she just let him do his thing. Actually, she didn't really care, she just wanted some time with David.
She locked herself in the bathroom, took a long shower, used his favorite perfume. She slipped into her long black dress and wore some delicate gold jewels. Her icy blonde hair in a layered bob and her make-up was light but still exquisite. She wanted to shine. The black line on her eyelids made her eyes strong and pop out. The red lipstick gave her a sophisticated look. Her high heels completed the look she was going for.
She met Peter in her living room. He admired how she looked. She could only think about why she looked the way she looked... David was on her mind.
"Where do we meet them?" she asked Peter as if she didn't know already.
"A driver will pick them up and we'll meet them in the grand foyer at 8 PM.," he said while guiding her out the door.
Butterflies were fluttering around in her stomach. She felt like a 16-year-old girl meeting the boy of her dreams. She felt nauseous and her head spun.
As they arrived the sun started to set. It reminded her of their "sunset fucksession" on the balcony from a year ago. She giggled not aware Peter was with her.
He looked at her and asked what was wrong. She shook her head and tried to keep her giggles for herself.
The majestic building rose in front of them. The grand staircase led to a pompous hall where the restaurant was. Peter grabbed her hand and guided her up the stairs.
Her heart raced in her chest, she wanted to see him so bad.
As they reached the grand hall, the big chandelier in the middle caught her attention. She had been here a few times, but it always struck her how wonderful the hallway was.
Her eyes wandered to two figures standing there.
As if lightning struck she met his eyes, he met hers. A fraction, a millisecond, the world stopped, everything stopped. Nothing more or less existed, only their eyes, their souls,...
She walked up to him, her eyes never left his. She could feel his eyes burn her skin, the connection was undeniable, it was magic. Most of all she wanted to jump into his arms, but she had to hold back.
Peter held out his hand and shook David's and gave Monique a kiss on her cheek. "Great seeing you both, here," he said in his posh British accent. David smiled softly but his eyes traveled to Gillian.
Gillian tried to hide she only had eyes for David and politely shook Monique's hand, giving her a friendly "Nice to meet you.". She was pretty, yes, she had to admit, but very young and so naive. Her hand moved to David, and he gently shook hers, his thumb brushed over her hand. His eyes were soft and demanding. She felt him pull her hand to give her a kiss on her cheek and a hug.
"How's my Scully?" he chuckled. She smiled and realized she was still holding his hand. "I'm ok," she answered with a big smile, letting go of his hand, not in her British English, but in her American tongue. Peter was startled seeing the difference in her so suddenly.
Her eyes traveled over his body. He looked fit, he was wearing a fitted shirt, the sleeves were rolled up, his arms were toned and muscular. He wore black designer pants. He looked smart, sophisticated and chic.
The connection between them was undeniable, it sparked in the air. Peter guided them further into the hall, Monique walked next to him and David doubted for a second and walked next to Gillian. He whispered quickly in her ear: "Nice dress, even a better choice than the Burberry one."
They both followed Peter and Monique, but couldn't keep their eyes off each other...
"Her eyes had all the madness of new love."
Chapter 3: Cobbled road
Follow the tour or not?
You could break my heart in two
But when it heals, it beats for you
I know it's forward, but it's true
I wanna hold you when I'm not supposed to
When I'm lying close to someone else
You're stuck in my head and I can't get you out of it
If I could do it all again
I know I'd go back to you
July 27th, 2018
They walked side by side, without saying one world, silent. She could feel the warmth of his arms near hers. He wanted to grab her hand and hold it, but he didn't. But she could feel his attraction. They followed Monique and Peter at a distance. She noticed how David started to walk slower, making the gap bigger.
He whispered: "Can we be alone?" She gave him a confused look, still keeping an eye on Peter and responded: "Here?"
He nodded and smiled: "Can't wait any longer." She caught his eyes and felt the butterflies flutter again in her chest. He was serious. She shook her head a little blush showed on her cheeks and she smiled at her feet.
They walked a little further as David suddenly grabbed her hand and pulled her behind a curtain at the far right side of the hallway. It led to a small room that served as an extra small conference room, now it just served as storage for tables and chairs.
Peter was so caught up in his conversation with the lovely Monique, showing her the magnificent building, that he didn't notice their followers suddenly disappeared.
Her back landed against the wall of that abandoned room. His body held her close and she felt his strong arms around her. The room was quite dark, but the emergency lights gave it a romantic feel, she had to admit. But oh my god, her heart was racing. She knew what he was doing, she thought this was so incredibly intense and daring. But she had no choice, she wanted it as much as he did.
His body was pressed against hers, his hands held her waist and his eyes found hers. "Why did we let each other go?" he said while his hand caressed her face. "It's clear we can't be without one another for long, it all comes down to the same old thing." he continued. His voice was so soft and low. She was too startled to speak, her tongue licked her lips and she agreed by nodding.
Her hand cupped his face and his lips crashed hard on hers. Her fingernails crawled through his hair as he parted her lips with his. She could feel the need, the urge, the lust wanting and needing each other. His tongue invaded her mouth and conquered hers without any doubt. She gasped as he kissed her so passionately.
His body pressed her against the wall and his hands peeled her skirt up. She broke his kiss to catch her breath, running her fingers through his hair. His mouth found her neck and kissed her soft skin towards her throat. Her sighs were loaded and soft, the little noises she made turned him on.
His hand found her hips, he lifted her up against the wall and walked her to the corner of the room, her legs automatically wrapped around his waist. He gently lowered her on a table against the wall. Her legs didn't unwrap and held him captured. Her hands were in his hair while his lips found her collarbone.
"Dave, we don't have time...!" she gasped, "Oh babe... watch me!" he whispered aroused in her ear. She knew this was so wrong, but she couldn't make him stop, she didn't want him to stop.
"Fuck!", she sighed as his hand found her panties. Her head rested against the wall, his lips found hers again. He was greedy and his kisses were filled with love and passion.
Her hands were wild and found his pants, she was incredibly skilled with the zipper and pulling it down. His hand massaged her inner thighs and peeled down her panties. Her hands pulled his hair and her muffled little sounds got louder. His lips and teeth nibbled her earlobe and left little licks in her neck.
His fingers found her breast covered by the fabric of her dress. His thumb rubbed her nipple and he felt how the little nub hardened under his touch.
She gasped, his caresses were so good. "Dave...", she muttered in his ear.
Their movements were wild, they both craved for their togetherness so badly.
Before she even noticed he filled her completely with his hardness. Her soft walls hugged him as he entered her. Her nails dug into his shoulders and her teeth bit her bottom lip. The sensation was tingling, but she felt her body needed some time to adapt.
His hands held her hips and pulled her towards him. The table was perfect in height. His hips rocked her gently. He thrust gently at first and slowly pacing up. His thumb helped her by circling her sensitive folds.
All she could think was how good it felt to feel him inside of her again. She remembered all the sweet memories of making love to him.
He met her eyes as he paced up and almost tipped her over the edge of heavenly release. Her face was flushed and her lips were swollen, her eyes spoke a thousand words. She kept his gaze until she felt her orgasm washed over her. He gasped and filled her with his juices as he felt her contract hard. He trembled and his body twitched coming almost at the same time she did. His eyes were filled with complete devotion, he adored her so. They both held their cries and sighed heavily.
She kissed him lovingly while brushing her fingertips over his perfect face. He did the same, she was even more beautiful, she had this radiant glow and he knew he had caused it.
He embraced her and whispered: "Don't ever leave me again..." she smiled softly, but she knew they both had to make decisions.
As they left the room, they held hands and kissed one last time making their way towards Peter and Monique.
They decided to directly make their way to the restaurant and meet them there, to not raise suspicion. A few minutes later Peter and Monique arrived at the table.
"Where did you both go?" Peter asked her in an angry-sounding tone. She convinced him that they lost them during the tour and that they just went straight to the restaurant and she added that they had some things to talk about.
She could see he didn't believe her completely. David added that it was partly his fault that he had distracted Gillian with his questions and that the history of old buildings really wasn't his thing. David had this calming effect on him, it was strange but he seemed to believe him.
During dinner, they exchanged these loaded gazes. Her heart raced as he looked at her. Gillian really tried her be to be friendly to Monique, but she struggled hard.
During dessert, Gillian excused herself and went to the bathroom. David noticed how Peter followed her, he wished he could leave the table to see what his plan was.
When she came back he noticed her eyes were red and swollen. Lucky for him Monique had left for the bathroom as well. Peter hadn't returned yet.
"What happened?" he whispered. "Nothing" she softly whispered as she turned her eyes down, but he could see she was lying. "Did he say something or...?" David insisted on her, to be honest.
"He knows Dave... he suspects things," she said, "and he isn't the type of guy who just is ok with that!"
David held her hand across the table and reassured her: "We'll think of something... I'm here, don't be afraid."
"We will be
lost and found
a thousand times
along this cobbled
road of us."