Christmas on the Dwarf
December 30, 2018
The Boys from the Dwarf have an interesting Christmas...
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“All right Dave?” Holly asked as his face appeared on the monitor screen. He was feeling bored and wanted someone to talk to. “Yo Holl, sorry can’t talk but I’m busy,” Lister replied as he sat at the table. He was wrapping something up in Christmas wrapping paper. “Oh yeah?” Holly asked. “Busy doing what exactly?” he wanted to know.
“If I tell you, will you swear not to tell Rimmer?” Lister asked. “Sure. Cross my wires, hope to die,” Holly replied. Lister sighed before looking around him to make sure Rimmer wasn’t around. He was no where to be seen. Lister quickly showed Holly what he was wrapping up.
“You remember on Rimmer’s death day I baked a cake in the shape of a spanner for him because he was a technician?” Lister asked with a grin.
“Yeah, what of it?” Holly asked. “Well guess what? I’m giving him… an actual spanner,” Lister said as he held the spanner wrapped up shape in front of him for Holly to see. “Gordon Bennett. That will be a surprise won’t it? It’ll be the last thing he’d expect I’m sure,” he said with a roll of his eyes.
Lister failed to note the sarcasm in Holly’s voice as he just nodded enthusiastically before continuing to wrap the present.
Ten minutes later Lister heard Rimmer whistling down the corridor. “Sm*g,” Lister cursed. He had almost finished wrapping the gift, so he quickly scrambled up to his bunk and hid the gift just under his pillow a few seconds before Rimmer entered the room again.
“Ah, Listy. What are you up to?” Rimmer asked. Lister tried to act nonchalant. “Nothing. You?” Lister replied. “I’m getting ready for Christmas, and I hope you are too. It’s important that we keep things going on this ship otherwise we’ll go space-crazy, like Holly,” Rimmer told him. “Ok. I’m not space crazy. I’m just quirky,” Holly protested. “Exactly. Quirky and senile,” Rimmer added. “Right we’ll Im off to the cinema. You coming?” Lister asked Rimmer.
Rimmer shook his head. “I’m staying here. Got presents to wrap,” he told him. Lissette shrugged. “Suit yourself,” he said before doing a mock salute and walking away.
As soon as Lister left the sleeping quarters Rimmer rubbed his hands enthusiastically together. “Right Holly. Beam me up Lister’s present,” he told the computer. “What d’you want?” Holly asked wearily.
“Well, you know that cake Lister made for me on my death day last year?” Rimmer asked. “You mean the one in the shape of a spanner?” Holly asked. “How can I forget?” He asked a little sarcastically. “Yep, the very same. Well guess what Holly? I’m going to get him a real spanner- and one in a toolbox as he is a technician,” Rimmer said. “Oh wow, push the boat out,” Holly quipped. Rimmer rolled his eyes at him.
“Look, can you project one for me to wrap or not?” he snapped. Holly nodded. “All right Arnold. There you go,” he said with a sigh as Rimmer’s items and wrapping paper appeared in front of him. “Excellent,” he said as he scooped up the items in his arms. “See, that wasn’t so hard was it? Moron,” Rimmer muttered before leaving the quarters. “Sm*g head,” Holly replied after Rimmer left.
Chapter two Cat’s gifts
“Yeroww! It’s Christmas and I’ve gotta the best presents ever,” Cat exclaimed as he entered the sleeping quarters the next day. The whole crew were ready for Christmas. The Cat put his presents under the tree. “Right. Let’s open,” Rimmer said eagerly.
He got Holly to project his first present from Lister. Lister grinned at Rimmer’s reaction. “It’s a spanner,” Rimmer said, trying to hold back his disappointment.
“Yeah. I know you like spanners,” Lister said. “Yes, well done. Thank you Lister. I think you’re going to love my present too,” Rimmer said with a sly grin.
“Come in Cat, pass us the present,” Lister said. Cat passed him Rimmer’s present and Rimmer smiled as he opened it. “Merry Christmas Listy. I think you’ll agree it’s a fantastic gift,” he said as Lister looked at his new tool box and spanner. He did his best not to curse and wished Rimmer a merry Christmas through gritted teeth.
“Lets see what the Cat got us,” Rimmer suggested. Holly projected Cat’s present for Rimmer and Athens Cat passed his present to Lister. “Enjoy,” the Cat said enthusiastically. Lister and Rimmer both unwrapped their presents eagerly, but they stopped smiling when they saw what was inside. “A box of krispies?” Rimmer asked. Cat nodded. “Yeah, now you can have an amazing meal like I do,” he told them. Holly began munching his. “Not bad,” he said.
Then the Cat opened his presents from the crew which were boxes of fish. “Thanks guys,” the Cat said before slinking away with his prizes. “That leaves Holly. Come on Hol what do you think of our presents?” Lister asked. “They’re great. Thanks guys,” Holly said as he looked at the ticket. “Good for one spa day out down at the Red Dwarf swimming centre,” he read aloud. Lister nodded. “Yeah. We thought you could at least relax down there. Rimmer and I saved up for that one,” Lister told him. Holly grinned. “Thanks. Hope you like my presents too,” Holly said as a Skutter rolled up with Listers present and Rimmer's got projected.
Lister grinned. He got more tools for his toolbox. “Thanks Hol,” he said. Rimmer opened his. “Thanks Holly. Another spanner,” he said a little sarcastically. Holly tried not to laugh. “You’re welcome Arnold,” he said as he shared a chuckle with Lister.
“Right. Let’s go to the cinema and watch It’s a Wonderful Life,” Lister suggested. “Err, you go Lister. I’m gonna stay here with my spanners,” Rimmer said with a sigh. “Suit yourself,” Lister said again before leaving an annoyed looking Rimmer in the sleeping quarters with just his spanners and Holly for company.